Monday, July 14, 2008

I'm Back

Sometimes we have to do things in life that really suck. The past 2 weeks was one of those for me. My time was spent going through all my mother's possession's. Making the decision what should be kept and what will go in the estate sale. I have been putting this off since January, when I placed her in assisted living. Her home, my childhood home has been sitting there waiting for me. I felt guilty going through all her belongs, glimpsing at letter and cards she had kept. Sorting through photos. Some of people I had no idea who they were. Making piles of items to give to family and friends. For as long as I can remember my mother kept a journal. I had no idea that after my dad died, 17 years ago, she was writing letters to him every night. I only read parts of a couple of them, but enough to figure out what she was doing. I wept. I felt like I was invading her personal space. I may regret this later but I threw them out. She was a very private person and would have never wanted me or anyone else to see them.
I have brought home quilts that she she had made, old books, glass ware,old linens,antiques. I wish I could have brought more. But at one point I just had to detach from everything,or I would have been renting a semi to haul it all back. Not to mention a warehouse to store it all. My little house is bursting at the seams as it is.
Not only did I sort through everything. I also had the task of getting her house ready to go on the market. Crummy time to sell a house, but I don't want to be a landlord 500 miles away. My husband and kids were with me. They were a huge help. Stripping layers of wallpaper, painting, yard work and general cleaning. The estate sale is the weekend of July 26. I will not be there. I do not want to see the people that will be pawing through her beloved treasures. It was very hard for me to leave the house knowing that it would be the last time I slept there. 46 years she has been in that house. The sad part is, her mind has slipped so far back that she thinks it is her childhood house. She didn't know who my kids were. My heart ached, but they were so sweet with her and started telling her stories and brought out pictures of when they were little. Then she finally remembered.
Sometimes life just sucks.

17 comments:

Alison Gibbs said...

Oh life sure does suck!
Such a difficult thing to have to do.
When my mother passed away I was the one that had to go through her clothes and get rid of them for my Dad. It was so difficult, you could feel her, smell her... handkerchiefs still in pockets, shopping lists... all so difficult.
Sometimes life sure does suck.
Alison

Tina said...

Oh what a tough time you've had girlfriend! Wish I was there to give you a big ol hug!!! My heart goes out for you!! But you did what you had to do even if it sucked~ (((((hug)))))

Judy said...

Life does suck!! Remind me to tell you about my husband and sister sometime. Worst three years of my life!! I got teary just reading your blog today. I am sorry that you are having such a tough time, but at least you have your family with you. Life goes on and as we get older we have to live these tough times. God bless, Becky! Hugs!

Heather, paperfollies.typepad.com said...

i'm sorry to hear that you have had to go through such a tough couple of weeks. its good that your husband and kids were there and so supportive. be good to yourself this week and take care of your heart.
xo

Road Trip With Ruby said...

Gosh Becky, I really feel for you. That had to be very draining emotionally as well as physically. Life sure isn't always fun, but there will be better days ahead. Look forward to hanging with you at the GNO at MP.

Recycled Rita said...

Oh! What your going thru definitely sucks! I went thru the same thing with my dad... There are good days and bad and sometimes when they are having a good day it still sucks because they want to be back in their old life! And...it is especially hard when you are still raising your family, I had the same circumstance, still do in a way but my mom is in better shape! Hang in there, take care of yourself...do little things for yourself when you can and enjoy your babies, they will bring you joy! hugs! karen b....
recycledrita.com

Maija said...

Oh Becky, honey- I am so sorry you had to go through this. You must feel like you are losing your mom. I think tossing the joournals was probably a good idea- I'm sure your mom would wish for that privacy!
I am so sorry my friend!

[Charlene] said...

I'm sorry to hear what you have been doing. I just keep thinking about how lucky your family is that a stranger wasn't the one going through things, but it was you, and you went through things with love in your heart. I live alone, and thousands of miles from any family, and I wonder sometimes who will go through my most personal belongings when I no longer need them. Who will sort out what I wanted to go to loved ones, and what I would have taken with me if that were an option. You were an angel for your mom, nothing less. Thank you for sharing your experience so honestly and helping everyone who reads your blog embrace the realities of our own mortality and that of our families in such a safe and profound space. You have been an angel in my life, today.

cindy said...

Oh Becks! It does, it really does. I'm so sorry honey. I can only tell you that I understand immensely. You are in my thoughts and prayers....great big hugs!

c

ps oh I do hope you can come down...would love to get to meet ya!

Paris Cowgirl said...

It surely does suck. And it is heart wrenching. Unfortunately it is a part of life that we all must go through. Hugs for you. What a heartfelt post...it brought tears to my eyes.

KaReN EiLeeN said...

I am so sorry to hear about your little mom and all of her treasures. I have lost both of my parents and went through similar times. I guess it's the circle of life. How wonderful that she loved your dad that much!
Thank you for stopping by for my give away. You will be on my blog prayer list.

Warm Regards,
KAREN EILEEN

"Whimsy Wishes" said...

I am so bad at stopping by to visit anyone and I know it is a bloggers responsability to do it but I am so tangled up in making my blog over and tryin to give everything away I forget... sooo I am here to say that I will promise to be a good blogger and make my visits..!!ok now that I have done that I can focas on other items of intrest!!...I wanted you to know I have your banner up and ready to go for open house.!!! This will be great fun so get the word out to your ladies to be ready!! I have posted something everyone should read to get in on... with a banner...Whimsy Wishes!!!

gibbysgirl said...

I am sorry for your loss. Your loss of a childhood home and the loss of the mother you once knew. My heart goes out to you.

Nicole

Elizabeth said...

That really DOES suck, and it's something I've been worrying about myself for a couple of years now. Reading about your experience is very helpful & strengthening. Thank you for sharing.

carlene federer said...

OMG Becky what a hard thing to do...at least it sounds like your Mom is happy? Hang tough, you'll get thru this!

Heidi (http://journals.aol.com/hwoodred/everyday-cookies/) said...

{{{*hugs*}}}


*Heidi*

Natasha Burns said...

What a difficult thing to have to do ~ you've done the right thing and the best thing and I too would have thrown away the letters. But knowing they existed is important too. sending big cyber hugs to you (((*hugs*)))